I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So here I am, sexting at work.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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