That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
