There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize