Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
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