My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
