Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
