Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
