Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
