Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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