You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
