using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
