Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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