Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
tell me about the fingering
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
