guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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