I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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