i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
