I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
