He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
