He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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