he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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