Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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