My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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