I can't watch pbs sober anymore
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
