the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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