Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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