Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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