my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
