It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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