imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
