he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
