question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
