Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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