he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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