Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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