when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
