meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Dicks are not precious.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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