K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
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