I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i came on her dog
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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