I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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