I hate your face
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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