soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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