I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
