That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
