dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I stole a fireplace last night.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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