His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
