Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
