Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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