I'm passing your future prison.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
