Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just want nice things and good sex
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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