And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
