I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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