so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
