I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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