I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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