I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize