So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
