ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
