dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
