Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
