I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
