He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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