everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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