Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
