Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
