how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
