Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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