did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm too high and old for this...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
