Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
