Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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