I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
