When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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