when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
