My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
