The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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