look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
