just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
