i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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