I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
