Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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