no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
