Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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