She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
